Resolving Conflict

By John Jordon, Village Baptist church, OR

  • When you have a problem with someone or something – DON’T complain to someone who can’t do anything about it! (If you commit yourself to this everything will flow easily).

Ask yourself when voicing a complaint, “Am I recruiting agreement for my position or am I taking steps to solve the problem?”

When someone comes to you to complain about something you can’t solve, don’t support him or her by listening to their gripes – rather, direct them to a person who can address their complaint.

Be responsible for supporting communication - not factual dissension. 

  • Deal directly with the person you are having a problem with.
  • Be honest, open, and flexible. This will allow others to be the same way with you.
  • Active listening – “Are you empathizing with their point of view, or are you just waiting quietly until you can have your say?”
  • Laugh at yourself, don’t take things too seriously.
  • Remember other people have valid points of view.
  • Send “I” messages whenever possible. “I would like you to consider this…” “I hear what you’re saying.” – Own your communications.
  • Justification of your position or having to be right leads to one way communication. Think in terms of win/win.
  • Validation of your existence or position by constantly reminding people of what you do leads to people tuning out. Your best commercial is your performance. It is what we do not what we say that people remember.
  • Once you have done everything you can to work it out with that person and it is not resolved, then go to your ministry leader. If they can’t resolve it then they will take it to the team leader. The team leader has final authority on all issues.
  • Keep the big picture. Is God aware that this problem was going to come up? Is there a Christian way to handle this? What is the most important thing – accomplishing tasks or being a person of character?